Maudlin Tuesday

I woke up so early today, completely sleepless, and pulled the covers over my head to avoid the reality that yes, it was morning and yes, I have some things on my mind. I just needed some more sleep in the worst way. And what really bothered me is that I watched “The Shining” last night while getting a bit of work done. (Some people put on music, I put on movies.)

I saw the Shining years ago, and didn’t really get it. Everyone I said that to explained it to me, and I still never got it. So I thought that watching it again now, now that I’m mature and have so much life experience upon which to draw, it would be crystal clear. But I still don’t really ‘get’ it. I really like some of the filming in the snow at night, however.

But when I woke up, all I recalled was the crazed mania, the uneasiness, the creepiness of being in such a situation, and the strange talk about the phenomenon known as “The Shining”. As I lay there (feeling miserable to be honest, with allergies all about,) I couldn’t help but wonder, once again as I had so many years ago, what the phenomenon of the shining had to do with the main character’s insanity. There’s a link, which is crystal clear because everyone else understands it. But the logic has always eluded me. Maybe it’s supposed to be illogical, and maybe we’re not supposed to think about it too much. Maybe it’s just meant to be disturbing, and to leave us disturbed. I’m going to watch it again, I know. And then google it and see what’s written about it. And then I’ll wonder why I invested so much time in it when True Grit is out now and is probably a much more enjoyable (not to mention spiritually healthier) film.

But laying in bed I brought my Breviary before my sleep filled eyes and read through the Office and Morning Prayer. It was so perfect for my dour ungenerous mood ~~~~ Psalm 102 and Job. Psalm 102, that’s a long story. And Job, that’s even longer. And they’re both miserable.

But they hold the promise of better things to come, and that was just the swift kick I needed to start the day off prayerfully.

There’s a lot to let go of when we invest in a life in Christ. And that includes dour ungenerous moods, and petty differences, and selfishness, and even occasional early morning blues and tiredness.

Jesus said, “Amen, I say to you,
there is no one who has given up house or brothers or sisters
or mother or father or children or lands
for my sake and for the sake of the Gospel
who will not receive a hundred times more now in this present age:
houses and brothers and sisters
and mothers and children and lands,
with persecutions, and eternal life in the age to come.
But many that are first will be last, and the last will be first.”

Letting go of concerns though, it’s important to remember the entire concept of self-care. That’s another long story too.

I have the feeling there are a lot of long stories I should start writing down.

But not today. I’m going to go back to bed and pull the covers over my head. go get some very important work done.

Update Someone has done an in depth review of “The Shining”. The mystery will be revealed!